I want to share my plan for him right now. I have revoked his rights to anything sexual with me. I will not allow him to see me undressed, nor will he be allowed to touch me during this period of chastity. With his new cage, one that is real, I want to take our relationship to a deeper level. One where he fully understands his place as a submissive man. I am not doing this to be mean to him but rather to reset him so to speak.

I love my husband and how submissive he is but I want to get him to a point where even touching me is precious and not taken for granted. I want him to feel overwhelmed with just grabbing my ass or licking me. I want that for him to feel like having sex.

As of right now I have no idea when I will begin to allow him to touch me, see me undressed, or lick me, but it will be a fairly long time of abstinence before that happens. A while longer still before the cage comes off to reward him for being good. And by being good, I mean he doesn’t ask, doesn’t hint period. It means leaving everything regarding sex to be completely up to me. He has been locked now since Valentines day and I think it will be at least two more months. We will see.

Now all that said, we still kiss. I hold his hand when we go for our evening walk in the neighborhood. We talk. We laugh. But of his hand wanders then it gets stopped.

My wife instituted a policy such as this early on in our D/S journey.

Although I was never allowed to ask for release (of either kind, from lockup or denial), I would often be grabby, or drop comments… or in general, ‘pressure’ her.

It is obvious why – denial breeds libido, and direct proximity to our beautiful, perfect, nigh-divine goddesses makes every individual hormone molecule stand up and say “that one, now”.

My wife found it annoying, irritating, but worst of all felt that when I was grabby and pushy that any action she took soon after that felt less as though it was her own, and more as though it was in response to my actions – which is directly antithetical to the D/S relationship. It is highly similar to ‘topping from the bottom’ to borrow from another part of the kink constellation.

Such a policy was extremely difficult for me to follow, and I still have lapses. It is un-learning an entire lifetime of arousal responses, and it isn’t easy.

Her decision in this regard was undoubtedly an excellent one, and was very good for our relationship.

That being said, my advice is to be strict about this. It is a deeply ingrained habit, instinct, and behavior in males of western society that when you’re aroused and close to your committed other, the correct outlet is to express it in physical and verbal fashions. We’re told that women <like> this because it makes them feel sexy (and I don’t doubt it does!). But, it isn’t proper when our wonderful keyholders tell us to put a lid on it.

So, I think it is an excellent thing, but on behalf of your husband, please be forgiving.

Again this is what you want as a man. I don’t want him teased right now. I want him focused on my needs, my wants, not his own. It is interesting that a lot of guys here want denial yet when they get it in a way that does not suit them then all of the sudden the wife or keyholder is doing it wrong. Chastity for us is about my control not his. If I choose not to give him sexual stimulation in any way for a time, as a keyholder don’t I have that right? Of course I know what he wants but I want him to know the difference between want and need. And since I never said that his total abstinence is permanent, I think my requests for it for a time is reasonable.