Begin conditioning. Men, like Pavlov’s dogs, can be conditioned over time. You can move their sense of reality. Punish infractions with punishments that he is truly frightened of and desperate to avoid. Over time, doing all the chores becomes a normal (though dull) part of his life and there is an acceptance in him that that is the way it is. The same phenomenon applies to waiting on you hand-and-foot and to his restricted sexual relief and freedom. Get a chastity device. One involving a piercing is best. You will soon begin to experience the rush of having true power over another human being. Power is a huge rush and an aphrodisiac. It has been enjoyed, as such, by men over women for millennia, now women can enjoy it and become aroused and satisfied by it too.

Begin to experiment with your cruelty and sadism. In my early years of dominance, I could not bring myself to accept that I was a sadist. I found the word to be very distasteful. I was still foolishly fettered by society’s norms and standards. But after frequent experiences of intense arousal while inflicting physical or mental pain on my bitch-boy, I accepted that I was a sadist and that I loved sadism. Perhaps it is simply that sadistic activity signifies true power and it is the power that is the aphrodisiac? I don’t know or care.

REWARDS

Being sensitively woken and given tea or coffee in bed every morning. Being waited on hand and foot. Being utterly worshipped in mind and body. As many orgasms on demand as one could want. No household chores. No tedious paperwork or junk mail to deal with. A social life wholly of your choices. A 100% trustworthy partner who will never be unfaithful. Other sexual partners (in my case always female). The intense pleasures of power and sadism.

Then there are the relationships like mine. I have my bitch-boy puppet toy on the shelf and, I can, anytime I want to, take him down from the shelf, abuse him and hurt him and humiliate him and make him very miserable for as long as I want. VERY AROUSING. (Apart from 24/7/365 chastity), the rest of the time I use bitch-boy for his vanilla attributes and company. Watching some great TV, great DVDs, fine food, travel, vanilla socialising, etc. So what is the point of this post? The quick little VERY REGULAR things that reinforce status during vanilla times.

Kissing my footwear EVERYTIME we are about to leave the house, leave the hotel room, leave the guest bedroom when staying at a vanilla friends house. I can look down and get the power rush the act provides, and he is reminded of his status. Importantly, a few words from me to remind him I own him and use him for what I want, whenever I want. Perhaps if the floor is tile or timber, drop a little spit from my mouth to be licked up by him before he rises. Or have him on his back and briefly wipe my soles over his tongue.

No pleases and thank you’s.  Its quite hard to train oneself out of saying please and thank you, but well worth it for use exclusively with your sub. All sorts of vanilla occasions when a request for something directed at your sub sounds to him like an order from his imperious Mistress, but sounds like a simple innocent request to those around you at the time. And even easier when he has brought something to you, to take it without acknowledgement of him, or thanks to him.

When a male cannot have an orgasm himself, he will quickly learn to find his partner’s orgasms fulfilling. If his dominant partner is his wife, he will quickly master the art of giving her pleasure, and find her orgasms bring him more joy and satisfaction than his own brief spurts.

If the dominant seeks to try new things in bed, he will of course agree to it. While he may desperately want to penetrate his lover, he cannot, because he is inferior and his lover does not wish him to experience that sensation. Perhaps the lover instead wishes to penetrate him? Once chastised, he will willingly agree to it. Once he does, the pleasure it gives will be more than enough to convince him to try it again and again.

When a man cannot have an orgasm, he will also learn to find pleasure in other parts of his body. Simply being kissed all over will become extremely erotic. Touching and massage will provoke powerful responses. Teasing will be the best he can get, and he will willingly take it. Knowing that his partner has ordered his genitals to be small and soft, and then knowing that his partner is intentionally causing him to become aroused, will reinforce that his partner does not find his erection, or his penis at all for that matter, to be an important part of their relationship. The important thing is the man himself, and the obedience and service he provides.

My wife and I have come a long way in the last two years. Let me describe two marriages.

In the first one, the couple has sex on a perfect schedule. There’s always money left over from paying the bills. The house runs like clockwork–laundry, dishes, cleaning, and maintenance happen automatically. Groceries and supplies magically appear when needed. Evenings are relaxed, weekends are full of fun and adventure. There are no disagreements, no arguments, no differences of opinions. The marriage serves as a platform to build a great career, pursue fulfilling adventures and a loving family.

The second marriage is marked by profound sexual frustration, frequent humiliation, and occasional coercion. Money is constantly watched over for any sign of problems. House chores are relentless, and only one spouse does housework, so the other spouse changes their work schedule to take one day every other week off from work to keep up. It seems any trip anywhere includes a stop at the grocery store on the way home. Evenings are spent catering to one person’s whims. Weekends are a death march, with cooking, more cleaning, and food prep happening between jaunts on ‘fun’ trips. There is no space for opinions or ideas. The marriage is a job.

The first marriage is the one my dominant wife lives and the one everyone else sees. The second marriage is the one I, her submissive husband, live every day.

In 2016, after my last post, she embraced full control of our sex life–and remade it. She was always clear that penetrative sex is not her preferred way of getting off. Even as we have continued being intimate–and she has continued receiving orgasms–I have only been inside her five times in the past two years (and one of those times, I was not allowed to orgasm!).

My masturbation schedule has been reduced, and I only wear my Holy Trainer when I’m very desperate and close to orgasm. I generally go three weeks or so between orgasms, with the first week or so unlocked. I had just over a dozen orgasms in 2017.

My wife believes it’s not worthwhile to her for me to only orgasm inside her, so she is OK with masturbation as long as it’s on her (rare) schedule. However, she finds it distasteful, and after years of masturbating in the bed or shower, she asked me early this past year to begin masturbating on my knees directly into the toilet. It’s out of her sight, and guarantees cleanup will be done properly (since I’m responsible for cleaning the toilets), but it’s also yet another humiliation. Sulking back to bed, pulling my panties back up over my painted toenails and shaved legs, after jerking off into the toilet is how the majority of my orgasms end now.

As I have become more sissified and feminized (I’m writing this wearing the new faux leather leggings, tight mockneck sweater, and thong bodyshaper Naughty Santa got me for Xmas!), my wife has continually mentioned that she would like me to start cumming more femininely, meaning more rarely and without jerking or pumping. Being a researcher, she has cited evidence (which I dare not argue with) that the average woman has an orgasm every other month. It’s her desire that I orgasm six times, and that I replace stroking into the toilet with using a vibrator to ejaculate into a maxi pad stuck into my panties. My last two orgasms have happened this way, and they are among the most intense orgasms I have ever felt.

Some things that may happen in 2018:

My wife may decide to forego penetrative sex completely. I’m never going to penetrate better than I eat pussy, and my cock is never going to do any of the things her vibrators can do.

I’m tucking and taping more while wearing feminine/sissy attire, and using the cage less. I still can’t get hard or feel any stimulation either way, but there is no bulge at all with a tuck and tape.

What she has not requested so far this year is penetration. Several times, she has had me keep my Holy Trainer on if I’m wearing one. Once when we got back from a night out, and my genitals were all taped up in my panties, she had me keep both on until she was completely finished. I know better than to ask to be inside her, but she clearly knows how badly I want to be inside her and how badly I want to beg for it. It just doesn’t make her happy, and she doesn’t want me to ejaculate inside her, since it makes a mess and diminishes her control over me.

I’m learning to deal with being so horny after giving her multiple orgasms and not being permitted one myself. I’ve stopped trying to sleep, and will get up to go do some quiet chores instead. Mopping, sweeping, and dusting are quiet and give me a leg up on the week’s cleaning. They take my mind off my selfish desperation.

True to her word, my orgasms have been limited. I have had 2 so far in the first four months of this year. One was into the toilet before bedtime, but the other was on our fun night out, when she had me use one of her vibrators on my taped-up genitals, over my panties. It was the most amazing orgasm of my entire life. She held me tightly and kissed me gently while I built up and up and up. She held her breasts to my face, and moved her leg under my head to cradle it. I have no idea how long it took. I only felt waves of growing tension as I desperately tried to increase the sensations, along with a little fear that she might snatch the vibrator away and leave me to cry myself to sleep. She let me keep it, though, and let me have that orgasm. Then I cried in her arms all the same, just for a different reason. I rolled over and fell asleep in my tape and panties. The next morning I woke up to her playing with herself, and she wouldn’t let me touch her. I could just watch.

So that’s the update. The Holy Trainer is still working well, but we have been talking about a metal cage. I will update you if we go that route.

Chores
I think having the husband do all or most of the chores is one of the most important parts of a wife-led marriage for several reasons. It allows the wife more time for relaxation and her professional work. It keeps the husband occupied and gives him structure, which is good for keeping him out of trouble. It makes clear the hierarchy of the relationship. While the husband may need some instruction at first on how to do his chores to your likely do not go easy on him. Be demanding in what you ask of him and if it is not to your liking have him do it again. The more you demand of him of him and the bitchier you are to him the happier he will be. Also, you don’t ever to thank him, he is already getting the pleasure of serving you. He should be the one thanking you each time you give him a task. My wife will be reading these entries so I will see if she anything to add or change.

Daily Chores

Make wife’s tea and breakfast
Straighten up the house
Make the bed
Make sure wife’s water is full
Feed the dog breakfast
Prepare dinner if we are eating alone
Clean up after meal
Make wife’s lunch for the next day if she is working
Feed the dog dinner
Wait on wife hand and foot fetching anything she needs
Anything else wife ask of me

Weekly Chores

Run errands to stores
Laundry
Ironing

Monthly Chores

Clean wife’s car
Pick up wife’s birth control
Comb dog and apply flea medicine
Take care of all bills

If I had known how astoundingly easy it would be to control hubby and make him crave opportunities to make me happy, I would have taken control of his orgasms years ago…

It is amazing. It only took five days after his last “self-determined” orgasm for him to become so pliant and malleable that he would agree to wash the dishes every time, forever. It is important to note that he hates washing the dishes. Even more than he hates doing laundry, and almost as much as he hates cleaning the toilets…

Needless to say all of these are his exclusive chores now!

I realised a couple of things early on. One is that it is not a rational thing. He is not saying to himself “I do not want to carry Her purse but I will because maybe She will eventually let me cum”. Instead his brain chemistry is swirling with so much need to please, that it feels good to obey and the idea of not obeying does not even enter his mind.

The second thing I realised was that the orgasm control is self reinforcing. The obedient attitude that comes from not allowing him to cum even makes it hard for him to disobey the command not to cum. You might think that the longer I go without letting him cum the more the pressure builds up and the more rebellious he becomes, but it is not so. The longer we go the more the pressure builds up, but it is pressure directed toward devotion to me, so the longer he goes without cumming the more impossible it becomes for him to cum without my permission. Because it would displease me, and because in that state obeying me feels so natural to him.

Some might ask if I ever let hubby cum at all or do I keep him frustrated forever. The answer is that I do let him cum. The time between his orgasms is usually between two and three months. I know that many dommes feel that it should go for six months and more, but I really find him to become maximally compliant after about two months, and any longer does not seem to enhance his subservient feelings.

But why do I bother to let him cum? Here are the reasons:

– It gives him something to look forward to, which makes him extra eager to please. Yes I have him in a perpetual state of being pretty much unable to disobey me, but I do not know if we would be so very eager a boy if he did not know that he would get his reward at some time.

– It is positive reinforcement that I can use for special things. To push him past a limit. For example for a long time hubby could not get himself to wear the little sub-symbol pendant I got for him out of the house. So I made it a condition of his next orgasm, and teased him to the point of insanity and did not let him cum until he promised. The promises I get from him this way seem to burn themselves into his brain. It is awesome.

– I enjoy the power to make him completely explode. I think I get more enjoyment from the power to fuck him up with arousal until he seems like he might die, but the power trip of making him scream and thrash uncontrollably is pretty good too.

– I love him and I like to give him pleasure. I married the man for a reason, you know. He is a beautiful man and a very good boy and he deserves happiness of every kind I can give him…