I continued my close inspection, remarking, “I think we need to go down a size, … maybe even two sizes… You know I want it locked up really snug and sound … plus… I am thinking… if we keep taking the cage size down, so it is always a really tight fit … it will keep the shrinking going… What do you think?”

He was really upset at this. “Please, Christine, please don’t… It’s ever so tight and uncomfortable already… and it’s hard to lock it on!”
“Nonsense,” I curtly remarked, “There is definitely way too much room in there for my liking. I’ll get on to Lori tomorrow…. If we’re going to keep shrinking it, we need to make sure there is absolutely no room for any growth. None whatsoever!… I want it down well under four inches… which I am sure we can manage now it is kept locked up all the time… if we keep reducing the cage size!”

He was trembling and started to whimper about not wanting it to shrink. I brusquely fuelled his anxiety further by advising, “It is none of your business what I do with your little defect…. And, if I want it down below four inches, then I expect your full co-operation in achieving that! It’s not as though there is any purpose for it. I most certainly have no need for it, your tongue does me. Why didn’t you let me know it had shrunk?”

I then put on a show of becoming really livid with him, making him ever so panic-stricken! I furiously remarked, as I cupped his caged defect and pulled hard on it, “I AM REALLY NOT HAPPY WITH YOU!!!!! YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN IT WAS SWINGING LOOSE IN ITS CAGE AND THAT IT COULD GET A TINY ERECTION! I AM ABSOLUTELY FUMING THAT YOU DIDN’T LET ME KNOW JUST HOW LOOSE-FITTING IT IS!”

He tried to interject, but I just cut him off. “DON’T YOU DARE TRY AND MAKE EXCUSES. YOU KNOW FULL WELL I WANT THIS LOCKED AWAY TIGHTLY AT ALL TIMES! THERE SHOULD BE ABSOLUTELY NO ROOM FOR MOVEMENT. IT’S NOT MEANT TO BE HANGING FREE… AND IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT THERE FOR YOU TO PLAY WITH!

YOU ARE EVER SO LUCKY I HAVE OTHER PLANS FOR THIS EVENING!…. BUT TOMORROW WE’LL BE GETTING OUT THE VICTORIAN LINIMENT… LET’S SEE IF YOU STILL THINK YOU WERE CLEVER HIDING THIS FROM ME AFTER THAT! He was now ever so distraught and tearful.
And, yes, we have ordered a smaller size cage!