Next, you must always remember that sexually you are the center of attention and that as a couple your singular goal is that you be sexually satisfied. This is the cornerstone to happiness for both you and him. Keeping you sexually satisfied is your husband’s job. Because that none of your efforts are wasted on his having an orgasm means that you experience many more than ever before.
It is almost universally held by women who seriously practice chastity with their husband that initial enforcement of chastity should be at least three months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the break in period of getting a device that fits.Expect him to be a little shocked at that news!
Preventing him from having an orgasm for a three month period may seem a bit harsh but it is paramount to your success as it allows his body and mind to adjust to the lack of masturbation and sexual pleasure as desired. Enforcing the first three month period will allow him to get in to the proper frame of mind and make him understand your desire, your commitment and your determination to his being chaste. It will also give you the chance to develop the strength to consistently say “no”.
He should be made aware of the time frame a few weeks before being secured in his device, which allows him some time to come to grips with his commitment to you and a clear understanding of your expectations. When I told Mark it hit him hard. But 2 1/2 weeks later when he came to tell me it was time to install the device I knew how much he was willing to sacrifice for me.
If he struggles with it, calmly talk with him and tell him that this will work wonders for your marriage. Remind him that scripture requires him to give himself to you as Christ did the church. You are worth it.
If he is at all uncooperative during this first three months, you should add additional time to his lock up. I gave Mark a one week extension as a warning about whining and a one month extension the second time he more bluntly told me he needed out. After that there were no more incidents but I was seriously considering three months for the next offense.
I tend to agree with the more experienced women that I talked with that you can not be too strict with respect to the initial lockup period if you want to achieve the triple goals of:
1. Getting yourself past feeling that it is your duty to give him orgasms
2. Getting him focused on his new role of pleasing you
3. Becoming comfortable with being the focus of his attention.
If after the three months you haven’t achieved these goals then lengthen the time.
In retrospect, I think that I came down hard on Mark and added the extra month because I felt myself falling into the trap of feeling that I had to let him have an orgasm since I saw him so frustrated by the chastity device. I am glad that I did. When I finally let him out it was on my terms.
After my experience my mind has changed and I have come to strongly hold the view that it would be even better if the initial chastity period is set at one year with further extensions for any serious misbehavior. After three months of being locked up your hubby would be willing to do almost anything for a release so in that sense the chastity device will have done its job physically but mentally some men can hold out for three months and bounce back to their old ways once you let them cum and they expect future orgasms on a regular basis.
A year’s time horizon puts an end to all the fun and games and excitement he may have associated with chastity. It makes your agreeing to lock him up the very serious proposition that it is. A year’s initial lock up tells him that you are committed to making your relationship work long term and that once he hands you the keys there is no turning back.
You will need to experiment and ultimately you will need to do what works best for you, recognizing that the less often for him is actually better. The most common belief was that it was not good to allow their male to achieve an orgasm more than once per month but most thought that his orgasm should not often be withheld for more than three months unless there was a good reason for doing so.
Several women who I have become acquainted with believe that once a year is the right number.
I personally have found that a good baseline is to not allow double digit releases, meaning less than ten per year. You may find that you allow him to be released monthly and then decide that you would enjoy making him go for a longer period. It is alright to suddenly increase the time. He might ask why and you simply need to tell him why; I have responded with “because I am in control of your sexual abilities and I enjoy denying you, the longer I deny you the more you become attentive and thus I feel a sense of satisfaction”.
Right now I am following the advice of several of the women I am friends with to have Mark go an entire year without an orgasm just to see how hard I can push him and how well he can handle it. We are eight months into it now and it has been wonderful. I have really stepped up the teasing and managing Mark takes more time and discipline. The payoff is that I have had more great sex than I have ever had and Mark has become sweeter and more devoted to trying to please me than I ever thought possible. He has done this without any whining since I told him that I would happily add on more time if he did.
From time to time you might find it necessary to punish him for what ever reason, he might refuse to provide you with sexual pleasure as instructed or he spoke to you in a negative and degrading way; there are certainly many possible infractions. The most effective punishment is to increase his time of confinement; this should always be done in at least a week increment but you will probably find that additions of two weeks or a month will be more effective unless you like having him continually testing you. As an example let’s say he was tired or in a bad mood and failed to enthusiastically provide oral sex to you one evening. If this happens it is imperative that you do what he would not. Masturbate yourself to as many orgasms as you like, he may then attempt to provide for you but you must not allow him to. After you have satisfied yourself let him know that his refusal requires that he be punished and that you have decided that an additional month will be added to the time. If he gives you any argument, add two or three months to his lock up time.
One of my friends likes to have her husband instigate elaborate romantic seduction rituals. She never unlocks him during these events but on the rare occasion when he really out does himself, she gives him an orgasm the next day. The bliss point is when you get your hubby to the place he gets pleasure purely from your pleasure without thinking about his cock.
There is an old saying among those wives who adopted a chastity lifestyle because their husbands encouraged them — be careful what you wish for.
I think some of the husbands would, if given a choice go back to their old ways, but none of the wives would. I think that deep down the men are happier because they wanted help from their wives and now they have it. I know the wives, who stuck it out through the trials of finding a chastity device that worked and figuring out how change their mindset from a need to give him orgasms to one of deserving all the orgasms they could ever want, are all much happier.” Who could have guessed that ignoring his “need” for an orgasm actually could turn out so well?