Men crave sex. That is one of the most reliable truisms of wife led marriage. The more you wield erotic power in your marriage, the more obsessed your husband becomes with sex, the more devoted he becomes to you.

A wife wants her husband to be sexually frustrated, yes. The more frustrated he is, the more romantic and obedient he becomes. That requires managing his sexual release.

When you are first establishing your authority in the marriage simply finding excuses to not have sex is a powerful way to create the crisis that opens the doors to your ascendancy in the marriage.

But once he has surrendered to you, once he has accepted you as Queen of the household, what then? You don’t want to live your marriage in a perpetual state of crisis. You simply want maintain a constant state of sexual tension.

The answer is quite simple: deny release, not sex. We call this intimate denial and it has several benefits.

First, you want to be sexual towards your husband, to tease him, to keep him on the edge as much of the time as possible. This is especially the case when he is doing the household chores. You want to eroticize your marriage in general and his homemaking experience in particular.

And just because he is going without sexual release doesn’t mean you should be giving up sex. As I wrote in Asymmetric Sex, you can indulge in many more orgasms than you allow your husband.

But most importantly, sexual intimacy is emotionally reassuring for your husband. Withdrawing sex leads him to feel abandoned. Even if you are reassuring him verbally he will subconsciously feel neglected. But if you engage in regular sex with him that happens not to end with his release his emotional experience is altogether different. He is sexually frustrated, yes, but emotionally satisfied

He experiences intimate denial as a happy frustration. He learns to enjoy his frustration, his deep desire for you, his willingness to move heaven and earth for you. You answer his desire for sex with incomplete sex that is playful and teasing but also a demonstration of both your affection and your firm authority in the marriage. He is reminded, again, that you are in command and that he is in submission to your will.

Ideally you will have some long-term schedule of release planned, say once or twice a year, but you will keep him always guessing as to when any particular sexual encounter will end with his release. In this way he is always guessing and hoping but never expecting or demanding.