We both knew that we needed to have a frank discussion about intercourse but I decided that I would initiate that discussion on my timetable. I wanted the feelings associated with his recent failed attempt at intercourse to be fresh but also wanted the discussion when his hormones had him in full on pursuit mode. When I considered what I was going to propose, that our relationship would be better if we were not burdened with his need for intercourse, I wanted things to be just right.

“What is the purpose of us having intercourse?” “How does it help us?” Then I waited for his response.

He seemed genuinely caught off guard by my question. He had no way to know I was just getting started.
After a surprisingly long wait to hear the answer to a pretty simple question he replied
HIM: “Because it feels good”.
ME: “Is that what it has come to? We do whatever feels good?” Not giving him a chance to reply, I fired again “How do you feel when it is all over?”
HIM: “After a few minutes I feel let-down, almost sad”
ME: “How long does that last?”
HIM “Sometimes a couple of days”
ME: “Does something seem wrong with this picture? You have a momentary experience that you feel bad about for up to a couple of days”

I could tell by his body language that this was not going well but I refused to give up.

ME: “Us females can have fun without all the mess that a guy makes when he orgasms, why do you think that is?” Because that nature was designed to be very purposeful, can you tell me the purpose of a man’s ejaculation if reproduction is not the goal?”

The early church saw that the singular purpose of intercourse was pro-creation. It was considered a misuse of sex for it to be simply for sexual pleasure of the male. A wife was made with the ability to have many orgasms because that is what God wanted. Her orgasms were to be for their pleasure. The only reason for his orgasm is to make babies. To ejaculate his seed into his wife when children are not the goal is wrong. Worse, to be so callous as to have intercourse knowing full well that their is no intention to bear children angers God. I could tell he wasn’t happy but I was unrelenting. I get that way when I am right.

It is the role of the wife, the helpmeet, to steer her husband in the right direction and that begins with saying no to intercourse unless trying to have children. Wives shouldn’t replicate that mistake by allowing recreational intercourse.

That God designed a woman to have far more orgasms than her husband and their sole purpose is to bring her and her husband pleasure is a given.
A Godly husband will cast aside his carnal desire for intercourse and give his efforts for his wife’s pleasure.  Her orgasm was designed for them both.

The husband should get to a point that his ‘only’ pleasure is through the wife’s pleasure! It should be clear that his ‘finishing’ is NOT a source of pleasure that he should look forward too.
Therefore; HE is not expecting to ‘finish’, ever. He is totally satisfied by pleasuring her. Her orgasms IS his orgasms as well!
And therefore; there is no reason to unlock him (other then cleaning & comfort)

It’s just that his pleasure does not come from his ejaculation. His pleasure is: serving her with the utmost devotion and -when she is in the mood- giving her heavenly orgasms with whatever ‘tools’ she wants, which is obviously not his penis.

But….. I hope for his sake that at some point SHE has the desire that HE should have a full orgasm.
But that’s for her to decide, not for him.