I have been dominant (though not a dominatrix) all my life. BB came from the bdsm/porn route, and was used to thinking of himself as submissive and having bdsm play (and play is the operative word, there was nothing real about it) in his relationships, although he now admits he was actually the one in charge in these relationships. The first time he approached me and spoke to me about the things he liked, I told him I would have to come first, and these things would follow.

Our relationship has evolved over the years from solely harsh treatment from me, to a loving relationship combined with even more harsh punishment and a high level of service. I am very demanding, and expect a high level of service in my everyday life. I am very strict, both in everyday life and in what you call the Mistress side. So, for both of us it has evolved, but from fairly opposing starting points! We both regard the way we live as lifestyle, and not something ‘tacked onto’ our ordinary lives

I asked your question to BB, and his reply was ‘If it’s truly female led, [owned submissives] shouldn’t have a say.x’ I view things as quite black and white so to me, yes, ‘female led’ and ‘she makes the rules’ should mean exactly what they say.